


Snakes in my head

by Redwinerose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Husbands, Light Angst, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28385091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redwinerose/pseuds/Redwinerose
Summary: David wakes up to the sound of Patrick crying.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	Snakes in my head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [schittyfic (sixtysevenlmpala)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtysevenlmpala/gifts).



> Thanks to schittyfic for the prompt:  
>  _David wakes up to find Patrick crying in the middle of the night_
> 
> Title from _I guess I’ll just lie here_ by Noah Reid.

David didn’t know why he was crying, he felt calm, relaxed and warm, lying on a sunlounger, drinking a pina colada with his husband laughing as he smoothed sun lotion onto his shoulders...wait. He was in bed. His husband wasn’t laughing, Patrick was shuddering. And the warmth wasn’t the sun, but the heat of their bodies, wrapped tightly around each other. Patrick was smothering him, heavy on his chest and the noise he was making against David’s shoulder was wet, muffled and...distressing. He opened one eye against the dark. It felt very late, or very early. He stroked Patrick’s shoulder, very much aware now that Patrick was openly sobbing. 

“Honey?”

He wasn’t expecting a coherent reply, or anything more than the snuffles of a body waking up from a nightmare, so the response was a shock.

“I can’t live with this, I can’t accept this part of me, the lies—” Patrick gripped David’s arm, enough to bruise. 

“What? No. This is not—no.” David sat up, shaking his head and pushing Patrick back into the mattress. He held Patrick’s face with his hands and wiped Patrick’s tears with his thumbs. “What is it, what are you talking about? Is it the store? Oh my god. Is it me? Are you breaking up with me?”

“David—”

“But we’re married. I thought we were happy. We got married and then I knew, finally, I knew you wouldn’t leave but—”

“David—” Patrick put a finger over David’s lips and shushed him. David pressed his lips together and waited. 

It took a moment. Patrick inhaled, dropped his hand from David’s mouth and looked away. 

“I can’t lie to myself again, David. I wasted so much time and now I’m finally living my life but I’m in my thirties already and what a waste, David, I could have saved so much time and not hurt her so much and made the most of my twenties, finding out who I really was and not wondering why I wasn’t as happy as everyone assumed I was. I was lying, David, to my friends, my parents, to Rachel, to myself. I’m just so—so angry with myself. I can’t be that person, I can’t understand why I—,” Patrick pressed his palm to his chest, squeezed his eyes tight and heaved a sob. 

David wrapped him in a hug and rubbed Patrick’s back, shushing him and breathing with him until he was calmer. Then he pulled Patrick down, still holding him tightly in his arms and he draped one of his legs over both of Patrick’s so that he could press him close and feel his husband’s rapidly beating heart against his own. 

“This is too much,” David said. “You haven’t accepted it yet have you, you haven’t forgiven yourself even after all this time.”

“I can’t—”

“Shush, honey. If you had discovered your sexuality, if you had lived your life, gay, out and proud, living the single life in your twenties. If you hadn’t kept it all hidden, you wouldn’t have run away. You wouldn’t have come here. You wouldn’t have taken that job with Ray—”

“We wouldn’t have met.” Patrick tilted his face and kissed David’s jaw. 

“Exactly. But you would have met some other guy, who would be so good for you. He wouldn’t have my style or good taste, but who has? But he would make you happy, because you know how to love and how to be kind and you would be—you’re the sort of person who is easy to love.”

“David. You make me happy. I’m not saying—”

“I know. But I’m saying you’d be just as happy.”

“David.”

“Hm?”

“I’m still sad I wasted so much time.”

David squeezed him hard, then relaxed and they both exhaled. 

“Thank you, David.”

“You can’t change the past. Don’t dwell. Live for now. The present is called the present because it’s a gift.”

“Did you get that from one of Jocelyn’s sweaters?”

David tucked his smile away. “No.” 

Patrick huffed. “Okay then, you won’t mind if I text that to Stevie in the morning.”

“Don’t you dare.”


End file.
